Interview with Bond Villain Funke Jensen

Bond soundtrack, huh? Yeah, very nice.

Am I saying that right?

Is it Fomca? Yeah, I know, that's great.

That's really good, actually. No, because everybody- That is great.

It is though, because everybody mispronounces my name all the time.

They make Fromca or Famke or whatever out of it.

Really? Well, Fomca, that's your name.

Fomca, that's right. Fomca, you're a very attractive woman.

Very nice to have you here. Thank you.

And let me say, this is very exciting.

James Bond. You're in a James Bond movie,

and you are the villain, right? Yeah, villainess. Villainess.

Okay, it's the 90s. We can say villain.

Sure, but it's a villain too, so.

It's a gender neutral term now. Yeah, sort of. All right.

So, you're the villain. Now, what does this mean?

Does this mean that you have your own island or something, and you control the Earth's weather? I mean, what's going on exactly?

No. What is your, do you have like steel teeth?

Is there something, you have a metal arm? I mean, what is your power? Help me with this.

My thighs.

I kill men between my thighs.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Are you serious? Yep.

No, no, is that a joke? No, no. I'm dead serious.

It's a James Bond movie. What do you expect?

Wait, the new villain, a woman who kills men with her thighs.

Now, what do you, the thighs shoot something? What are we talking here?

Do they, what do they do? How does it work?

Or it's? They, I, you know, I just, I put my thighs around a man's ribcage and crush it.

And that's, you know, like.

Can you picture it?

I'm sort of picturing that right now. It worried me because a lot of women in the audience were like, yeah, kill them,

kill them all. A lot of angry women here.

Really, so you're crushing men and how? You're very curious about this, aren't you?

What guy wouldn't be, really? Well, I guess, I guess.

So, you know, you want to, you want me to do it for you?

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

You know what? This is what we in the business call a no brainer. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How does it work? Yeah, I would like to see that.

One condition, under one condition I'll do it. I want it on the desk.

A demonstration on the best of both worlds.

All right, okay. We were doing that after the show last night. Yeah, let's do it.

Well, it's very intimate. I don't know if you can handle that. That's okay. No one's watching. Okay, good.

Good. Here we go. All right.

Ah. I guess I'll just watch. Yeah, is that okay?

You can stay there and watch. That's right. Andy likes to watch.

No, you're gonna have to come on top of me. I get on top of you? Yeah. You do. Oh.

Good. I should. Good. I like that.

Okay, where do I go?

Well, as long as I can get my thighs around you.

I was raised Catholic. I got a problem. Me too, me too, me too. It's okay.

You were allowed.

Well, I'm ready.

All right.

Sometimes it takes a while.

Yeah, I.

Do we have the time? Is it taking a long time? I've got no time. I'm nervous. I know.

Okay, so just,

we're.

All right, now here. Now, where do I go? I go where? Here?

You just go here and then. Okay, and go. Go.

Hi.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Ah, yeah. It's pretty hard, isn't it? I know.

Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

So, what'd you think?

I need a cigarette.

Anyone? I need a cigar.

Ah. Ah. That's my job.

You can't do that.

Let's not talk anymore. Okay, it's fine with me.

It's fine with me.

Let's just sorta just hang out. What do you say? Fine with me. How about you?

Whatever. You just keep watching. How was that for you, Annie? Did you enjoy that?

It was really, it was what I like best.

Whoa. Well, we should talk a little bit about this movie,

actually, and then maybe we can- There's nothing more to say about it.

Really, that's- Unless we're gonna start talking about Lord of Illusions, because I've just demonstrated what the entire movie's about.

That's the whole movie? Mm-hmm. I'm gonna go see that movie.

Now, talking about Lord of Illusions, here you, I understand in this movie

you get blood dumped all over you. Is that right? Yeah, it actually never made it to the movie, but it was shot.

The director just wanted this on tape somewhere, yeah.

Yeah, he just wanted to torture me for a day.

All right, so you did Lord of Illusions, and was it fun, was it a good experience?

It was great, it was really great.

It's a very scary movie, and it was very exciting to make.

Where are you from? Let me just ask you quickly.

Holland. You're from Holland, cool country to be from.

Very loose. Have you been?

No, but I've heard everything's legal in Holland, right?

Very liberal, everything you can imagine is legal.

Everything's legal, I mean, people smoke pot in the streets, right? Anywhere?

Everywhere, I mean, they serve it to you on a bus,

on a public bus, you can get pot in Holland.

It doesn't quite go that far, but yeah, you can buy it anywhere you want to, and you can smoke it.

Okay, and what else is great in Holland, what else?

Licorice.

Licorice, you guys have great licorice?

Mm-hmm, the best. Licorice is licorice.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You don't know anything about licorice if you say that.

You have to try Dutch licorice.

I should have brought you some, actually, but I didn't.

Can you get me some contraband licorice from Holland?

Yeah, I can.

Cool, all right, just put it under your hat, yeah, when you get on the plane.

And chocolate there is very good, too.

Chocolate is amazing. So I'm missing out.

American chocolate tastes like wax.

Sorry, but it does, yeah.

Really?

You know, I haven't even, I mean, my mind's been elsewhere during the whole question and answer part.

Right.

I gotta be honest, I'm just sort of babbling.

Right.

I'm getting the signal right now that it has to be over now.

Oh, that's it. It's very sad, yeah, that we have to part company.

Yeah, I'm so sorry.

Let me make sure, I threw your plugs away over here somewhere.

Well. Here they are.

Anything left you wanna ask me before?

Yeah, Lord of Illusions is playing at theaters everywhere.

Look for the new, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look for the new Bond film, Goldeneye, in November.

And let's do that one more time in the commercial break.

Okay.

All right, Funke Jensen, everybody.

Thank you very much for coming.

We'll be right back with Ken Spalding.