Dialogue in a Time Travel Comedy

Ugh.

Hey, Dolphy, wake up, man.

Your friend still seems to need some sleep.

Clementine, is that you?

I swear I did not want you to go to the camp.

I begged Hitler for at least two minutes to leave you alone.

Stop calling me Clementine. Respect my grandmother's memory, or

your stay in this prison will be even worse than planned.

So you are Clementine's granddaughter?

The granddaughter of a woman who lived through hell in the Nazi camps.

When the Soviet Russians finally won the war and freed those prisoners, my

grandmother joined them. Then, little by little she climbed the ranks

until Stalin

himself endorsed her.

Wow, that is a really stylish story.

So you can untie me now? Hey, ow, that hurts.

I am not done with you. And you, you are going to pay,

too.

Hey, man, don't fall back asleep.

Where are we?

Some kind of communist prison. Funny, right?

Funny? Funny? You are mocking me. When my dog jumped after he farted,

that was funny. Being stuck in a communist prison

is the zero level of funny.

Hey, sometimes I jump when I fart, too.

I am going to kill you, you idiot.

Help! Help! Adolf Hitler wants to kill me!

Fight in here if you want.

There, happy now, you moron, barely smarter than those monkeys from

Africa?

Hey, that is racist.

I think I am paying for my mistakes. Maybe I went a little too far.

No, buddy, don't get depressed like that.

We're going to-

A Jew!

Adolf Hitler!

Netanyahu Yu.

Wait, you know this Jew?

Yeah. In my time he was the president or the prime minister of Israel.

You must be mistaken, little hairy goy.

I have a jean shop, and Israel does not exist.

Damn. We really changed history all the way.

Good for the Palestinians.

The Palestinians were almost all genocided by the communist

regime.

Oh, guys, I understand nothing here, but it is good to see this communist

regime

took example from me and imprisoned the Jews.

Ah, but I am not here because I am Jewish.

I just tried to scam President Stalin's cousin by selling him fake jeans that were

sweatpants painted blue.

You see? They cannot stop scamming everybody.

Wait, President Starlin? That is the one with the lesbian hair?

Yes. Her grandmother married Joseph Stalin a

short time after the end of the war.

Damn. This is starting to get as hard to follow

as the Harry Potter saga.

And you, I thought you died in the bombing of

Berlin, but I am going to take care

of you for real this time, you criminal bastard.

Oh, yeah? And what are you going to do, suffocate me with falafels in my sleep?

Stop, guys. This is not the time. We are in the same mess.

We have to find a way out together.

Ha ha. We will never get out of this prison.

We will not need to walk out to escape.

Frankly, I do not think this is a good idea.

I do not think we can trust that Jew.

Yeah, well, I don't like Jews either, but we have to deal with it, man.

We are all going to-

And there it is. Not kosher. These people really have no respect for my

people.

Always playing the victim.

Wait. Repeat what you just said.

Calm down, guys. We all hate each other, but the only thing that matters is the

plan and getting out of here. And Yu, you are really sure the room where they

keep

the prisoners' belongings is not far?

Yes, I am sure.

All right, I think it is time. Ready, Dolphy?

Ready.

Blitzkrieg!

Fight!

Where is Yu Yu?

He ran off without us.

We have to catch him before he leaves without us.

Farewell, goys.

Oh, I think I forgot to tell you this time

travel machine is synced to my DNA.

I am the only one who can use it.

It was a joke. Jewish humor is special, and I think it is not your kind of humor.

Ah, ha ha. Very funny.

Too cool. Hey, Dolphy, look.

Frankly, you could not find anything better?

It fits you like a glove.

Open this door, Celestine.

Sorry. You will not have time to torture me.

Disappointed?

All my life I dreamed of finding you and making you suffer, but

I always knew I never could. You are my grandfather, after all.

Come on, man, we have to go.

Where the hell are we?

I, I think there is a problem with the

scooter.

We were supposed to arrive at the moment I was about to time travel with Clementine

so I could stop all of this from happening.

Then hurry. Try again. Take us somewhere else. I do not want...

Don't worry. I will fix it. Hey, Dolphy, are you listening?

Holy shit!