Humorous Conversation with Grandma

Yeah, Grandma, I don't care what you say.

You're too old to be wearing a thong.

Who cares?

Like, at this point,

you need to switch your wardrobe up.

Wanna try one on?

It's just not normal, I'm telling you.

Grandma, a lot of guys pee sitting down.

I'm not the only one. Oh,

Jesus, stop it. I'm not the only guy who does that.

You're like a little old wimp.

Yeah, Grandma, when you were in prison, what did you eat?

I ate every girl in prison.

No, I mean, what kind of food did they serve?

Oh, I had lots of biscuits, too.

Lots of biscuits.

I was tripping balls last night.

Really? Yeah. That's really not safe at your age.

Nothing's safe at my age. Yeah, Grandma, I'm actually thinking about selling my testicles. Great.

Do they pay by the inches or what?

Yeah, Grandma, is it true your doctor got arrested for being handsy with his patients?

Why do you think I keep going back?

You keep going back? Yeah, I like it.

So you were one of his victims?

I'm not a victim, that's for sure.

I got the test results back. I have genital warts.

What? Yeah, I have genital warts.

How do you think it happened? You tell me.

I don't really want to tell you.

Yeah, Grandma, I've seen some sort of vibrating device next to your bed.

What is that? You don't wanna know.

Yeah. Well, what the hell is it then?

Yeah, Grandma, you're not gonna believe this, but I have a curved erection.

Uh, what the hell? You know, like, at the end it curves? Really?

Yeah. It sounds like Captain Hook or something. So,

Gram, back in high school, my nickname used to be Jizzy Sock.

What? Yeah. Where'd you come up with this crap?

It's what they used to call me. I got that nickname.

Let me tell you the story about that.

So... Please. No, I'm not rubbing your feet when we get home, Gram.

It's like, I hate that.

You're not treating me right. Listen, Gram, if you see a wet sock in my room, don't touch it.

I will if I want.

No, no, no, no. You don't want to. Trust me.

Okay. You gotta understand what it is. Okay.

Yeah, Grandma, don't let me forget peanut butter. Um, I'm getting a fever. for my dog.

Oh, good. Don't ask what it's for.

Okay, I won't.

You know what, Gram? I don't care how old you are.

You still have to shave your pube hair, you know? We all do it.

I think that despite you being 80, that doesn't give me an excuse, you know?

Yeah, Grandma. That yeast infection you had last night, it stunk up the whole house.

So, I want to talk to you about that. Go right ahead.

So, when I came in last night, it was already there.

Hiya.

Yeah, Grandma. What's your body count again?

What do you care?

I'm just curious.

I mean, I know you've been around the block a few times.

Yep.

Yeah, Grandma. I had a date last night. I hope it was a woman this time.