Comedy on War Terminology and Politics

Welcome back to Is It War? World War

I.

War.

Correct. World War II.

War.

Correct. The Vietnam War.

War.

Oh, I'm sorry, Carl. That was a congressionally authorized

counteroffensive. Don't worry, we get right back on track with the Korean

War.

War.

No, that was police action.

No, they had tanks and stuff.

Well, the police have tanks now, don't they, Carl?

Okay, the First and Second Iraq War.

Uh, war.

They identify as military action.

It's a bit like pronouns, except we kill people. All right,

how about Libya?

Uh, w- war.

I'm sorry, that was kinetic action, not a war. Venezuela.

Uh, well, it was a, it was a, well, that's a war, I think.

No, I'm sorry, that was a law enforcement operation,

not a war.

Iran.

Uh, it's a war. We're doing war things.

No, not war things. Preemptive retaliatory de-escalation

action.

No, that's, that's, that's not a thing.

All right, judges? Okay, how about the war on terrorism?

Uh, war.

No, it was a coalition-led conditional

operation.

How about Afghanistan?

Afghanistan was the war on terror.

No, I'm sorry, that was a pre-authorized defense stabilization

initiative.

Okay, I... Can somebody tell me the rules here?

War on poverty, Carl.

Well, poverty, that's not even a, like a thing you can-

I'm sorry, I hate to do this to you. It was a trick question.

We don't have poverty in the United States. The Dow went up to 50,000.

Can it even get that high? Amazing. Don't even worry about the Epstein files.

War on Christmas.

The coffee cup thing? No, that's not a war.

It was a war for the soul of the nation and whether or not I can wish my children

merry Christmas.

Okay, you know what? I quit. I don't wanna do this anymore.

Today's magical phrase. Carl, you just became a United States

congressman. Congratulations, Representative Carl.

Merry Christmas.

It's March.

Well, okay, happy Hanukkah.