Fictional Oval Office Scene: Trump Confronts Putin and Ukraine’s Leader

Listen up, you little bitches. I've got you two assholes in my office

because I'm sick and tired of your shit.

Sick and fucking tired.

You two got 24 hours to kiss and make up, or I'll make

sure both your fucking countries regret ever

hearing my name. Understood?

Donald, please. Can we at least talk terms?

Yeah, can we talk about this?

Fuck talk, and fuck your terms.

Fuck your terms.

Talk is over.

Talk is fucking over.

I wanna see results, and if I don't, I'll be your worst

fucking nightmare.

Your worst fucking nightmare.

Mr. Trump.

It's President Trump, you son of a bitch.

Sorry. President Trump.

That's better.

You come into the Oval Office, you call the President of the United

States

President Fucking Trump.

I need more support. Biden promised me funds, but I got

jack shit.

Support?

Fuck your support.

You think I give a flying fuck about your sob stories?

You think I got elected to wipe your ass every time you take a

shit on your solid gold toilet? No.

Fuck you and your solid gold toilet.

And Putin, pull your fucking troops back

or I'll make Russia look

like downtown Chicago.

Downtown Fucking Chicago.

Get all your tanks out of Ukraine ASAP, or I'll shove them all right

up your fucking ass.

Right up your fucking ass.

All of my troops?

Are you fucking deaf?

Okay, Mr. President. Okay. I will negotiate peace.

I can do this. No more invasion. I promise.

Good.

Without American aid, I'm fucked.

Clearly I ain't talking to you, you little bitch.

Oh, I thought you were talking to me.

When I'm talking to Putin, I'm talking to him.

When I say shut the fuck up, I'm talking to you.

But my people are dying. I need America's tax dollars or

my country's done for.

Did I give you permission to talk?

No, sir.

Then shut the fuck up.

You shut the fuck up.

Please, just a little more money.

Peace the fuck up, or I'll pull every damn string I've got to

make sure you both

suffer.

Boom.

I'll make sure you regret every fucking missile, every fucking bullet fired.

Fix this mess now, or I swear on MAGA you'll both be fired.

That's all, folks.