Elon Musk’s SNL Monologue: Asperger’s, Mars and Dogecoin

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you very much. It's

an honor to be hosting Saturday Night

Live.

I mean that.

Sometimes after I say something, I have to say, "I mean that"-

... so people

really know that I mean it.

That's because I don't always have a lot of intonation or variation in

how I speak-

... which I'm told makes for great comedy.

I'm actually making history tonight as

the first person with Asperger's to

host SNL.

Or at least the first to admit it.

So I won't make a lot of eye contact with the cast tonight.

But don't worry, I'm pretty good at running human in

emulation mode.

I'd first like to share with you my vision for the future.

I believe in a renewable energy future.

I believe that humanity must become a multi-planetary space-faring

civilization. Those seem

like exciting goals,

don't they?

Now, I think if I just posted that on Twitter, I'd be fine.

But I also write things like, "69 days after 4/20.

Again, haha"

I don't know. I thought it was funny. That's why I wrote haha at the end.

Look, I know I sometimes say or post strange things,

but that's just how my brain

works. To

anyone I've offended,

I just wanna say, I

reinvented electric cars, and I'm sending people to Mars in a rocket

ship.

Did, did-

Did you think I was also gonna be a chill, normal dude?

Now, a lot of times people

are reduced to the dumbest thing they ever

did.

Like one time I smoked r- uh, weed on Joe Rogan's podcast.

And now, all the time, I hear, "Elon Musk,

all he ever does is smoke weed on

podcasts." Like

I go from podcast

to podcast, lighting up

joints. Uh-

It happened

once. It's like

reducing OJ Simpson to murderer.

That was one time.

Fun fact, OJ also

hosted this show in '79.

And again in '96. Killed both times.

Oh.

One reason I've always loved SNL is

because it's genuinely live.

A lot of people don't realize that.

We're actually live right now, which means I could say something truly

shocking,

like I drive a Prius.

SNL is also a great way to

learn something new about the host.

For example,

this is my son's name.

It's pronounced

cat running across keyboard.

Another thing people

wanna know is,

what was I like as a kid?

The answer is pretty much the same as now, but smaller.

But we can also ask my mother, who's here tonight.

Her name is May, like the month, but with an E at the end.

Thanks for spelling my name, Elon.

Mom, do you remember

when I was 12, and I

created my own video game called

Blastar about a spaceship that battles aliens?

I do. I

remember they paid you $500.

But you were too

young to open a bank

account, so I had to open one

for you.

That's right. Uh, whatever happened to that bank account?

That's not important.

You turned that video game about space into

reality.

Unless you consider that our reality might be a video game-

...

and we're all just

computer simulations

being played by a

teenager on another

planet.

That's great, Elon.

Well, break a leg tonight. I love you very much.

I love you too, Mom.

Aw.

And I'm excited for my Mother's Day gift.

I just hope it's not Dogecoin.

It is.

Sure is.

We've got a... Okay, we've got a great show for you tonight.

Miley Cyrus is here.

So stick around.

We'll be right back.