Comedy skit about plumbing and terrorism

And clap.

Famine.

Famine.

Gulag laughter. Famine.

Gulag laughter. We're laughing,

comrade. One last clap.

Ernesto!

Are the Americans attacking?

Oh,

dude, you scared the hell out of me.

You woke me up right in the middle of a dream where I was jet skiing with Henry

Cavill.

Let me guess. You were both naked and Henry was riding

behind you?

No.

Yeah, yeah, sure. Anyway, the kitchen faucet's busted.

I think we need a plumber.

A plumber?

Please, I have a medical degree. You think a faucet's gonna

scare me?

And don't use this as an excuse to stare at my Greek god ass.

Oh. Call the damn plumber!

I'm sure this is the one.

I'm not sure. The color isn't really the one in the

instructions.

Why do you always doubt me?

I agreed to help you with this hideous thing.

Try to make an effort to be nicer for once.

Do I need to remind you that I agreed to go with you to the

lacquer duck convention

last weekend?

That must be Mark. He was supposed to bring the Tupperware.

Ah, Vladimir.

Oh, old brother, so happy to see you.

Sorry, but I was traveling in North Korea. You should go there once. It's fabulous.

What brings you here? Because right now we're busy with Joseph.

But no, we're not busy. Hey, we do our thing?

For old time's sake?

Gulag forever.

Finally.

Salaam aleikum. You called Usama Plumbing? I'm here.

Come in. We shut off the apartment's water,

but it's this faucet that's

acting up.

A terrorist!

What the hell have you done, you moron? That was the plumber.

Well, I had to attack before he detonated his

explosive belt.

Ah, for fuck's sake. What the hell are we gonna do?

Wait. First we'll tie him up, then we'll think.

Whoa, looks like this part of Mario Galaxy went

badly.

This reminds me of a great bondage session in Bangkok.

Hey, guys. You'll never guess who's here to visit us.

Hey, bro, look. I caught a terrorist with water bottles.

What?

You're torturing someone without even inviting me?

We weren't planning to torture him.

Oh, really? Not even a tiny little torture?

And if he dies, then what? We walk around carrying the body to the

nearest dump?

Yeah, that's actually not a bad idea.

By Allah, what the hell is going on here?

Sorry, Aladdin, but we're probably gonna have to torture

you.

Torture me? Why? I'm not one of your enemies.

You must have killed quite a few of our comrades in Afghanistan, didn't you?

A few. But come on, guys, it was war. That was ages ago.

But if you're working for the American devil now, go ahead, torture me.

He's got a point. The enemy of my friend is my friend,

as they say.

It's the enemy of my enemy is my friend, you moron.

That's what I said.

All right, so what do we do?

Let him go?

What if he comes back for revenge?

No, I promise. I swear on Mecca I won't come back for

revenge. Besides, this building isn't even tall enough to be

hit by a plane.

Or

we know someone who could take care of him.

Oh, no. Not that. Not him. Absolutely out of the question.

Even though I'm disappointed the torture session is canceled, I think Castro's

right.

Fine. Okay, I'll call him.

Wait, I'll get you the phone.

No need.

Jew.

Jews? Where?

Hmm.

No. He's from the desert, but he's not Jewish.

Dude, we could really use your help making this

guy disappear.

We'd be very grateful.

On one condition.

I want Joseph to have dinner with me,

and maybe a little more.

All right, fine. But I get to choose the restaurant.

Ah, then we have a deal.

Can I come to dinner with you guys?

It feels good to pee. Thanks.

You're welcome.

And I apologize for almost killing you.

It happens. Once I attacked a guy I thought

was a rabbi, but actually it was a guy

dressed as a Sith lord coming out of the cinema on the day The Force Awakens came

out.

I think I just found my new best friend.