Bar Conversations and Humor

Come on, beer here. Come get your beer.

Come on, who wants it? Hot day, cold beer.

Hey, honey, want a beer? Interest you dolls in a cocktail?

This one's on me. Maybe later I can get on you.

Would you like an ice-cold beer?

Beer?

It's ladies' night. Bitches drink free.

I'm gonna have to check your ID, though.

No, just kidding. You're old.

I don't know how you would be allowed to sell something alcoholic.

You're not old enough. You're not 21.

Are you gonna buy something?

No, I'm gonna buy something, but I don't think that you're doing...

I think you're doing something against the law.

Okay? So I, I suggest you leave.

Okay, listen, Hitler, there's no German beer here,

so move along.

What a smart-ass kid you is.

Boy, boy.

You need to loosen up. Have a beer.

Hey, toots, how about a beer?

No, thank

you.

Your mouth says no, but your fat gut says yes.

Hey, what's up, Julio?

Want a cerveza?

Hey, there's the happy couple. How about a beer?

Can I use my laundry dough?

You're obviously not using it for laundry.

I'll have two.

You should drink them both so your girlfriend looks better.

Would you two young broads like a drink?

Hey, guys, should I pour you three?

Yeah, that's all we need.

That'll-

Is it 25 cents?

Uh, yeah, each.

I'm gonna need to see some ID, though.

You guys look like you barely have pubes.

Let me have a beer.

All right.

Were you in the war, sir?

Yeah, buddy, World War II.

Kill any Krauts?

I don't think so. If I did, I don't know it.

You were so drunk you didn't know.

There you go, man.

Head for the mountains, literally.

So how, how is business going?

Good.

You just started.

No, I'm serious though. Head for the mountains.

Mm-hmm.

Get out of here.

Can I rub a little lotion on you?

No, that's okay.

Come on, seriously.

Ah, get off me.

Let me grease up your boobs.

My what?

Boobs.

Uh-uh. Hey, I have ch- two children that are your age.

Come on.

Do they grease up your boobs?

Oh, my God.

Can I rub some lotion on you?

No, I'm all covered up.

I won't just do your shoulders. I don't mind exploring.

I use the lotion on myself a lot at home.

Hey, ladies, can I interest you in a free bikini wax?

How about you two open up and let me get in there?

Will you rub some lotion on my back?

Do it slow. Let's make this party last a while.

Just a little right there, I guess.

You're all cranked up.

Now let me do you.

No, I didn't think so. Start picking my shirt up.

Eh, all right. I guess I wouldn't want to get my hand all

hairy anyways.

I want to practice mouth to mouth.

No, you can't do that.

Oh, my God.

No?

No mouth to mouth, because you know why?

Mouth to anything?

Nothing.

Mouth to nothing.

Come on, honey, I thought all the cold fish

were in the ocean.