How to Avoid Theft and Scams in Barcelona

A memo for those going to Barcelona who don't want to get robbed or screwed over.

First, we don't help anyone here. Any phrases from some random guy that start with “friend,” “bro,” “sister,” or whatever—tell him to fuck off right away, he's trying to screw you over.

When you arrive in Barcelona, remember: you have no friends here, everyone is your enemy, so no sadness, no love, no pity. Remember that.

Someone at the airport asks you to give him five euros because he doesn't have enough for a plane ticket—that's his problem. Someone comes up to you and says he's lost—that's his problem. Someone comes up to you and says he's been robbed,

“Help me”—that's his problem. We don't talk to them, remember that.

Next, if someone approaches you in a friendly way, brush him the fuck off and keep walking. We don't talk to them.

There are no friends here, remember that. You're sitting in a café, and you've been shit on by a bird, and some friendly guy offers you a napkin.

Don't take the napkin, hold on tight to your bag, because he wants to rob you. Most importantly, remember: don't talk to people, don't leave your belongings unattended, and everything will be fine.

In your car, neither in the cabin nor in the trunk, never leave anything, even if it's a paid parking lot with cameras.

Remember: the police, security guards and cameras here won't help you. You're on your own.