A Satirical Defense of Torture and Iraqi Civilian Lives

To the issue of the Iraqi civilians, I think that as many of them should survive as possible, because the goal of any military conflict is to kill as few people as possible.

But as for Saddam Hussein and his henchmen, I think the ideal solution would be to cut off their fingers.

I don't think it's necessary to kill them entirely.

We're not a barbaric people. We respect life, therefore, torture is the way to go, because torture people can live.

Torture is a celebration of life and human dignity.

We need to remember that as we enter these very dark and dangerous times in the next century.

And I only hope that many of my peers and people who will be leading this country will appreciate the value and respect that torture shows those other cultures.