A Fiery Dinner Speech on Womanhood and Belonging

God may have blessed you with Barbies, a backyard with a pony in it, a boyfriend

named Jake, and an unwanted pregnancy that your father paid to terminate so you

could go to college and major in being a basic bitch.

None of these things make you a woman.

Mm-hmm. Clear your throat.

Lubricate.

Mm-hmm. Now read that bitch.

Your uniform of

ill-fitting J. Crew culottes, fake pearls, and 50 Cent

scrunchies cannot conceal the fact that you do not know who you are.

Mm.

I know our presence threatens you.

We fought for our place at this table, and that has made us stronger than

you will ever be. Now pick your jaw up off the floor

and go back to your clam

chowder and shallow conversations.

My girlfriends and I aren't going anywhere.

It was a lovely dinner