English transcript

1904 Miss Helen Kelly graduated cum laude that's dumb as hell how you gonna study for

a test on Monday when you're getting finger banged in the hand by a buddy

Polly Thompson gave her hand signs but in a two-man plane and she's deaf and blind

How did Polly let her know it's her turn to fly?

And I ain't the gay one for asking

That's a hell of a story, but it don't make sense

How a deaf and dumb and blind retard bitch

German, Latin, Greek and French

Learned them all and can't talk for shit

Then she traveled the world taking in the sights

With no damn ears and fucked up eyes

Riding another bestseller using only taste and scent

Now I'm calling bullshit

Now old Stephen Hawking, that's quite a dude

Couldn't walk, talk, think or chew

But he had a little theory about a big black hole

He said ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra

That's a huge breakthrough

For the boys in science, number one bestseller

Sunday Times, this fucked up bastard

Can only grunt, we can say he said

Whatever we want, that's a hell of a story

But it don't make sense

How a half-dead, paralyzed, retarded prick

Knew astrophysics, cosmology

Quantum mechanics, sounds gay to me

And now I'm soaring through the Milky Way

Spinning on a fucking ball

There's a black hole gonna kill us all

33.3 quadrillion light years away

And I'm not the one that's gay

There is no God

No one created the universe

And no one directs our fate

There is probably no heaven

And no afterlife either

Martin Luther King, that black sun bitch

Had himself a dream and it ended quick

Said if you protest peacefully

They could use the same shitter as you and me

Integration, it'll fix it all

Just show them roots and don't break the law

Bikes went missing when they found out past the shit

Ain't nobody likes me

That's a hell of a story

But it just ain't right

That a man with a dream can steal my bike

Ride down the street, pants round his knees

With his hat turned sideways, smoking weed

Now I'm looking on the front porch

Tears in my eyes, come help me please

A nigger stole my bike

Cop said, son, now how do you know he's black?

But I didn't call him black

No, I never called the nigger black

I didn't know that nigger was black

My four little children

Will one day live in a nation

Where they will not be judged by the color of their skin

But by the content of their character

I have a dream

That was one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my entire life.

I'm not even kidding. I'm like sharing it everywhere.

Oh my God, that was funny.