80-Year-Old Marty Ross Performs Stand-Up Comedy About Aging

Good evening, young man. Thank you. Thank you very much.

You're welcome. What's your name? Marty Ross. And where are you from?

Santa Clarita, California. Okay. What do you do for a living?

What did I do? Okay. I was a salesman in the clothing industry for almost 50 years.

And what is it that you're going to do? Stand-up comedy, yeah.

Is this something you always wanted to do and then- Yeah. Why didn't you start earlier?

Uh, here's the thing. I didn't know I could do this.

I didn't know I, I didn't know I can stand in front of these many people and do what I do.

Yeah. Are you married? I have three ex-wives.

That's a routine. Yeah, right. So that means I need a million dollars, like, as soon as possible.

Um, what would winning mean to you? Are you kidding me?

First of all, winning at any age is incredible.

Yeah. And your age is? How old are you? 80. What? You're 80? I'm 80.

Oh my God. Wow.

80. Uh, it would mean everything to me because just the dream to be able to do this show with so many talented people is- Yeah ... is incredible.

Good answer.

So dazzle us with your humor and, uh, I hope we all get to witness your dream come true.

Thank you very much. Here we go.

So I turned 80 a few months ago, and people are saying the weirdest things to me, like, "Oh, you're 80?

You're almost dead. Are you afraid?" I'm like, "No, I'm not afraid.

My mother made it to 101. And if you wanna know the family secret, we don't die."

No, we keep shrinking till we just disappear.

Um, so I went to visit my mother in the nursing home.

You know the problem when you go to a nursing home and you look like me?

Yeah, they wouldn't let me out. The only reason I'm here tonight is I had to get a night pass from the front desk.

The first thing I found out when I get old is that young people hate old people.

Oh. Is that right? No. No. Really? Did you ever drive behind an old person?

Yes. Does this look familiar? Yes.

Yeah.

The worst thing I'm experiencing now at 80 is that my hearing has gotten awful.

I'm talking to this woman the other day, and she tells me she has a peanut allergy.

Right, I misheard the word.

I said, "What happens?" She said, "I start choking and gagging."

Oh, whoa. I said, "What did your doctor say?"

She said, "My doctor said I have to build up a tolerance."

So naturally, I said, "Well, then I'm your man."

Thank you. Thank you so much. Wow. Thanks.